What’s in a Name?

 Good day, America. I have successfully navigated the waters of midterms and spring break to return to my 2 or 3 readers with today’s topic.

I just have one question: ladies and gentlemen, what’s in a name? On one hand, a name can be the difference between getting a job interview and being another resume in the closet at You-Name-It, Inc. On the other hand, a name can be an interesting conversation piece. I say all of this to say: America, think before you name your kids. Now, many of us may not be at that point in our lives yet, but I feel the need to plant this seed in your minds early.

There are two categories of names that really bother me. First, is the “I’m a cool, hippie celebrity so I can name my child whatever I want” name. Some notable examples include award winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter, Apple, and who could forget the king of pop’s son, Prince Micheal. Listen here, you may be famous, but your kid’s name is still stupid, period. Celebrities, you might be able to get away with this odd behavior because you’re famous, but the bottom line is, it still looks like you picked your child’s name off of a Scrabble board. Stop it, please.

Now, I must talk to my people. Black people…I think you already know what I am going to say. Please stop giving your kids these weird names. I know you think you’re being different and exotic, but at the risk of sounding mean, it just sounds ghetto. Yes, ghetto. Sorry guys. You are giving your kids the stamp of shame.

Now, I know what you’re asking. What names are considered ridiculous and down right unacceptable? Well let’s set down some guidelines. Let’s see. If it starts with a “Z”, leave it in the book where you found it. If it’s over three syllables, don’t even think about it. Next, apostrophes, hyphens or any other arbitrary punctuation are a strict violation. Finally, I’ll go out on a limb and say nouns and adjectives are a no no. Thinking about naming your child Precious or Queen? Don’t. This is not an Alex Haley novel; it’s not okay.

Please don’t get offended. I’m not telling you to conform. I’m telling you to be mindful. It’s fine to be different, but “Rundasia” is not different; it’s crazy.

That is all.

~ by micheledb on March 18, 2009.